frantic im frantic/ sitting naked in front of a glowing screen waiting for answers
from my mind that don't seem to be there /or are they so twisted i cant face them/
am i insane/ is that bad /why am i frantic and what the fuck am i frantic for
anyway why/ why tell me /wont somebody please tell me/ tell me everything i
want to know /i want to know if im right or if im going to burn in a place that i
dont even believe in /help me im falling /im going down /im dropping so fast so
goddammed fast /music flares in me rising in me/ im frantic /i want to know/ i
want to feel /i want to be free of fear/ i say i am /i lie/ i try/ oh fuck its hard /not
me/ living living with the things ive felt /the things ive done /writing doesn't help
me /writing makes it worse/ i write so the things i keep inside dont eat me /dont
kill me /dont bend me over and spank me like the cosmic child i am/ i think to
fucking much/ i think about how much id like to kill people/ how i can relate to
serial killers/ how i wanted to know more about the holocaust /how i even wanted
to see pictures /how i was afraid of what i could do /of how i could throw away
everything out of hatred only for the sake of insanity /and not caring how much it
all flows /and it all flows from me /how i stare at everything/ how i feel sex and
hate and sorrow and happy/ and the happy is the only thing that keeps me from
being like hitler or dahmer or those who have truly cast off society /those who did
what they felt /did what they were compelled to do /when all i can do is bend
words/ bend them/ be frantic /we are all killers/ we just hid from it /im close /im so
close to being able to do anything for no reason/ ive thought about it all /i could
write in jail /in juvie /wherever the fuck they put psychopathic minors /or i could
wait untill im an adult and see if theyd kill me back/ i couldn't kill myself /i dont
even want to /id rather kill someone else anyone/ id like to bring a gun into school/
a sho
ping mall/ id like to be president and just burn the fucking world up /how
can so much joy come from hate from death from blackness/ has my subconcious
taken over me/ or did i never have control to begin with /if i stopped writing i
think that i would act out my insanity/ licking trees /child molesting uncles/ jocks
caught having a circle jerk in the locker room /the freak that no one pays attention
to kills people /boils them/ cuts them/ listens to them scream /gets an erection
watching people strangle/ but he wont do that himself because hes afraid /because
im afraid that i would never stop /that i would be good and never be caught and
never never stop /that i would find happiness in true insanity that i possess /that i
am /i want to know /i want to know everything /i try to know everything/ i
think i know everything sometimes /sometimes i try to know nothing /to forget
everything ive let myself become so i can be normal /so i can have a dog play
sports be popular wear normal clothes/ so i can stop the madness that ive been
working for so long/ the lack of control of myself that i love /thats what i love /i
love the feeling /i love the madness/ i love the spiraling feeling i get sending me
dowwards into my mind